Updated: May 4, 2019
Saying Happy Birthday to you should be said with joy and not a heavy heart. You should be ten years old today. Every year without you is tough, but some years are tougher than others Turning ten is one of those years. You should be entering the "pre-teen" years. Somehow that seems significant...
I look at Mason and Madisyn and cannot help but wonder....
What would you be like?
What would you look like?
What would you sound like?
Does the wondering ever stop?
How can it?
You are still such a huge part of our lives, yet you have not changed in ten years. You are still that precious baby I held in my arms on that horrible morning ten years ago. I remember the phone call at 2:00 am from your Dad, telling me the worst news I could possibly hear. "There is no heartbeat. She is gone." I remember thinking am I really awake? Did I hear him correctly? I must have misunderstood.... but I didn't I must be dreaming... but I wasn't...
I remember the car ride to the hospital. It was the longest ride in history with Aunty Raylene and Uncle Bill. We were silent as we drove in. We met all of your Grandparents there.
I remember seeing your parents for the first time before your mom went into delivery. the sadness on their faces was like no other that I have seen.
I remember hearing the most horrific sounds when she was in labor… The sound was that of insurmountable pain and agony of the reality of what was to come once she delivered you.
I remember seeing her after she delivered you. She showed you off with such love and pride. You were beautiful.
I remember the family around us.
I remember standing by the hospital window with you in my arms. I remember feeling the sun on my face and remember thinking... How can any of this be happening? It was a gorgeous day, almost Spring like. It seemed so perfect, yet it was so horrible..
I was holding my precious niece in my arms, for the first and the last time. I remember not ever wanting to let you go, but knowing I had to… I had to share you with everyone else that was there that loved you so much. We all needed to fill a lifetime with you, into a few hours….
There was so much love and sadness that day. I will never forget the pain we all felt from losing you. At times it is still so raw. Today is one of those times....... I know there will be other times that are just as hard, and other days that are not.
There is not one day that goes by that I don't think of you.
There is not one day that goes by that I don't miss you.
I love you yesterday, today and forever....
Happy Birthday my precious sweet angel….